Curhatan tengah malam T_T

god, please give him happiness beyond measure as he had given me, I hope someday I'll be back to see him with a cheerful face and incredible hardness. every night I always dream it, no matter whether he's always dreamed of me or not. I do not want to be with her​​, I just want to live like what I wanted, I did not want him to laugh at me because he's still my hearts. I want to hate him.